Taking things personally used to be my everyday struggle. I’d overthink every little comment, text message, or tone of voice. If someone didn’t smile at me, I’d think they were mad. If a friend didn’t reply quickly, I’d assume I did something wrong. Even small things felt like personal attacks.
But over time, with a lot of self-work, I’ve learned to take things less personally. Not perfectly, but way better than before. If you’re anything like I was, I want to share what helped me. Not as an expert, but as someone who’s been there.
What Does “Taking Things Personally” Really Mean?
For me, taking things personally meant believing that other people’s actions were always about me. If someone was short with me, I assumed I upset them. If someone didn’t invite me somewhere, I thought I wasn’t good enough.
But the truth is, most of the time, people’s behavior says more about them than it does about us.
We’re all walking around with our own stress, pain, thoughts, and past experiences. And yet, when someone snaps at us or acts distant, we take it as proof that we did something wrong. That’s where the pain starts.
My Breaking Point: A Simple Comment That Hurt Way Too Much
I remember one day at work, I showed up in a tomboy-ish streetwear outfit—baggy cargo pants, a hoodie, and sneakers. It wasn’t my usual look at all. I had been experimenting with my style, trying something different for once, just to feel a little bold and comfy.
A coworker looked at me and said, “Wow, didn’t expect that look from you. Trying to be a skater today?”
It was said casually, maybe even as a joke—but it hit me hard. I felt embarrassed, like I had done something wrong just by dressing differently. I kept thinking about it the whole day.
Looking back, I realize it wasn’t really about her comment, it was about how unsure I felt in that outfit. I wasn’t confident yet in trying new things, so even a small comment felt like rejection.
That’s when it clicked for me: when we take things personally, it’s often because we’re already unsure of ourselves. Her words touched an insecurity I didn’t even know was there.
Step 1: I Had to Learn It’s Not Always About Me
This was hard to accept. I honestly thought that if someone was rude, I must’ve done something wrong. But a big shift happened when I started reminding myself:
“Everyone is living their own life, and most of the time, they’re not thinking about me at all.”
That might sound sad at first, but it’s actually freeing. People are stressed, tired, dealing with personal stuff I’ll never know about. So their tone or behavior probably has nothing to do with me.
Step 2: I Started Asking Myself Better Questions
Instead of jumping to conclusions like,
“What did I do wrong?”
I started asking,
“Is it possible they’re just having a bad day?”
“Would I take this personally if I felt more confident today?”
“Am I assuming the worst without proof?”
These questions helped me pause instead of spiraling. They gave me space to choose a better thought.
Step 3: I Got Honest About My Triggers
This part was uncomfortable, but necessary. I had to admit that the reason I took things personally was because of me, not them. I had wounds—old ones—from childhood, from friendships, from relationships—where I felt unseen or not good enough.
So now, when someone says something that stings, I ask:
“What is this really triggering in me?”
Sometimes it’s a fear of rejection. Sometimes it’s a fear of not being liked. Knowing that helps me not explode or shut down. Instead, I try to comfort that part of me that feels hurt.
Step 4: I Stopped Needing Everyone to Like Me
This was a big one. I used to feel crushed if I sensed someone didn’t like me. But the truth is: not everyone is going to like you—and that’s okay.
The more I accepted this, the less power others had over my mood. I realized that liking myself mattered more.
Now, I don’t change who I am to avoid judgment. If someone doesn’t vibe with me, that’s fine. I’m not for everyone. And you’re not either. You don’t need to be.
Step 5: I Learned the Power of the Pause
When I felt hurt, I used to react immediately, either by shutting down, snapping back, or over-apologizing. Now, I’ve learned to pause.
Even a few deep breaths can change everything.
Instead of texting back quickly or replaying the situation 100 times in my head, I take a moment. I journal. I go for a walk. I wait until the emotion calms down before responding.
That pause has saved me from so many unnecessary arguments and breakdowns.
Step 6: I Choose Curiosity Over Judgment
When someone says something that feels off, I try to get curious instead of defensive. Maybe they’re struggling. Maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe it just landed wrong.
This doesn’t mean I let people walk all over me. It just means I give grace before assuming the worst. And honestly, it makes my days feel so much lighter.
Real Talk: It’s Still a Work in Progress
I won’t lie, there are days when I still take things personally. A weird look. A delayed response. A vague comment on social media.
But now I have tools. I have self-awareness. And I know how to ground myself instead of spiraling.
If you’re in this place too, I want you to know: you’re not overly sensitive. You’re human. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that pain.
You Deserve Peace
Taking things personally steals so much joy. It makes us doubt ourselves, fear connection, and overthink everything.
But you can change that. Slowly. Gently. With compassion.
Start by reminding yourself that not everything is about you. Most people are just trying to survive their own chaos. And when you feel triggered, it’s okay. That’s your inner self asking for some love, not judgment.
Give yourself that love. Every time.
A Gentle Reminder
If you struggle with taking things personally, you’re not alone. But healing is possible. You deserve to live a life where you’re not constantly second-guessing your worth.
You can’t control how others act, but you can control how you respond. That power is always yours.
Thanks for reading. If this post resonated with you, feel free to share it or leave a comment below. You never know who else might need to hear it today 💛
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